


Cavendish

by indigomountian



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bananas, Clint Barton drinks strait from the pot, Coffee, Gen, Humor, Salty Bruce, Steve Rogers' opinions on fruit, Swearing, The Dragon Fruit is Just a Very Sad Kiwi, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-16 05:53:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13630023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indigomountian/pseuds/indigomountian
Summary: Steve's first banana in the 21st century.





	Cavendish

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea why I wrote this, but i did so I might as well put it up. There is not point. I wrote this on my phone at one in the morning, whatever is wrong with this story grammatically is surly less than what is wrong with me.

Almost the whole team was having breakfast when Steve just got back from his run. The only one who had yet to join them was Bruce; surprisingly even Tony had graced them with his presence.

Natasha was making pancakes like a responsible functioning adult, if not for her and Bruce they would all probably starve. Tony needed to be  _firmly_  reminded to imbibe anything besides coffee. The blueberries on the counter indicated he was currently being bribed with blueberry pancakes. Clint would eat nothing but tacos and pizza given his druthers. Thor... would probably be fine, maybe. If the claims he made about being biologically capable of living off pop tarts happened to be true. And Steve, well he just couldn't cook. After his mother died Bucky fed him, then the army, then SHIELD, now Natasha and Bruce. 

If they did stop feeding him he would live off scrambled eggs, the only thing he could reliably make even if he usually started out trying to make an omelet, and fruit. 

Today the fruit basket has bananas in the mix. He is pretty sure Tony has been going through every exotic fruit just because Steve had only ever had the more common fruits and only when they could afford it. But Tony got  kiwis, which he had seen before but never had the expendable cash to try, and mangoes, which he didn't like much because they were three quarter pit. What was the point? Guava was weird but not as bad as dragon fruit which was, despite the pretty skin, just a  _VERY_  sad kiwi. Tasteless and pointless! Steve took umbrage with the dragon fruit and was very vocal about it. The list of fruits went on and on, most of which he had to ask the names of. So this was the first time a hand of bananas had made it to the communal kitchen. He hadn't thought to ask for them but bananas had always been his favorite fruit, and they had also been relatively inexpensive.

The kitchen was pretty lively this morning but everyone stopped when he started jostling the fruit basket. Steve stopped his tentative poking of the bananas when everyone got quiet, they were all looking at him.

"What?"

"What do you mean what? You're poking the fruit like you’re expecting it to start Moving," Clint said and then looked at the basket in concern, probably checking that it hadn't actually started moving. Their lives had, in fact, gotten to the point that it just might.

"I was checking for spiders," a perfectly legitimate concern in Steve's mind. He had almost gotten bit by one once, it was big and hairy with giant red fangs, he wanted nothing to do with it or anything like it ever again, thank you. 

"I am wholly offended you think I would allow a spider besides Natasha into my kitchen. Also what?" And Tony did look really offended as he grabbed a banana and peeled it. It figured that the only instance Steve had seen of Tony eating any fruit besides blueberries would be out of pure spite and indignation.

"My apologies," Steve smiled at the banana being waved at him in response; Tony was mostly absorbent back into his tablet. There was a general rule about electronics at the table but it didn't apply to Tony because it would be easier to kill Tony than keep him off his tablet or phone or holopad or whatever he had in his pockets. And many a villain or terrorist or business partner had tried. To very little success.

Shaking his head at the man Steve took a banana for himself. He bit into it and almost immediately froze. After a second of hesitation he spit the fruit back into his hand, for lack of a better option. Everyone was again watching him, but then he had half chewed something in his hand.

"What is this?" It sure as FUCK wasn't a banana! Maybe it was related to the banana some how but it wasn't a  _real_ banana.

"It's a ban-" Tony started before Steve cut him off.

"It fucking is not! This is to a banana what dragon fruit is to a kiwi!"

"It is! Steve it's just a banana."

"Did your banana taste like... not banana-y?" yeah, Steve was aware of how strange he sounded.

"My banana taste like a banana, Steve. Are you feeling ok?" And Tony, along with everyone else was looking mildly worried.

"I feel fine; it's my mouth that is not fine. Maybe it is me?" He picked one of the grapes and tried that but it was just a grape, "What is wrong with these bananas?"

This is when Bruce shuffled in and homed in on the coffee maker. They had the kind that made individual cups, because Steve had put his foot down when he saw Clint watching TV with the carafe, drinking from it. Like it was a cup! That was why Bruce didn't have coffee in his cup already, and in memory of this he turned and glared at Steve. Who was the reason for all the misfortunes of the world, and his lack of instant access to caffeine. Steve knew this look; he got it from Bruce, Tony and Clint every time they waited for coffee.

After a moment of glaring Bruce noticed Steve's had full of half chewed fake banana. He smiled and thanked the universe for bringing retribution in his name. 

"I hope you loved bananas as much as I loved having a fresh pot of coffee whenever I wanted it, because then we will both be separated from the thing we loved by time and a fungus."

"What?" Was the only response Steve could come up with to that.

"The bananas that you knew and loved have been extinct for more than fifty years and you are a disease upon this earth, much like the fungus that killed your precious fruit!" Bruce turned back to his coffee and watched it drip with glazed eyes.

"He had a late night, timed experiment. He's just tired Steve... And still really salty about the coffee pot. I'd say don't take it personally but it is entirely unfair and your fault," Tony said bitterly, obviously not entirely over it either. 

"Clint was drinking out if the carafe! Whole pots of coffee at a time, Tony," it was unfair Steve always had to be the bad guy. When it happened Natasha said she agreed with him and yet now she just sat there and watched.

 "He had his own pot; he never drank out of ours! And he brewed new coffee for us whenever he made more for himself." Tony seemed to think that made it better.

 "We're not arguing about this again Tony, it isn't a manner of coffee pot etiquette it’s a matter of health. Also Bruce, what is wrong with my banana!" Steve is so done about the coffee pot thing and Bruce makes almost zero sense before coffee. He almost wanted to cave and just let them kill themselves with caffeine by the gallon. 

Coffee in hand and already at the elevator waiting for the door Bruce turns, "I'm not that kind of doctor!" 

 Steve sputtered and blushed as the doors closed behind the scientist. Everyone else was cackling like a pack of hyenas at his pain. Yeah, death by caffeine was too good for them.

"That's not what I meant!" He protested which only made everyone laugh harder.

**Author's Note:**

> For those who may not be aware the Gros Michel banana went extinct in 1960 due to a fungus. It was apparently much creamer and richer in flavor. Today the most popular is the cavendish banana which is facing the same threat as the Gros Michel banana.


End file.
